Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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