So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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