So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
