I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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