how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
