I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
