Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
