he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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