then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
