the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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