he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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