There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
