Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
