What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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