I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
