i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
