Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
