Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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