His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
