the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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