when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
