Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
