my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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