My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
