btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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