that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
