watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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