i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
