What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
