She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
