I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
