Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
