like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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