I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
