I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
