My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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