How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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