Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
