"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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