I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
