This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
