she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
