thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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