Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
