i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
