Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
