kristin has been a bad kristin
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
