People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
