Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
