So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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