if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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