nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
